Isabella Swan: Alien Hunter
by eatsgoats
Summary: Seventeen year old Bella Swan resides in the most boring of places and yearns for adventure, sneaking out to become an alien hunter with her "best friend" Jacob Black. When a beautiful alien named Edward Cullen, crash lands to Earth she has to decide whether to slay him or befriend him. Either way, she can't stay away from him. Parody-ish.


Forks... Ah, Forks; wet, dreary and altogether imperfect, has to be the most boring place in existence. So, why am I here you ask? If I feel like this, why don't I just leave this uneventful town? One word, er, name: Charlie. That's my dad and that's why I haven't left and will not leave. I had packed myself up in a book bag and made the long train ride to here from Arizona because my dad, the Intergalactic Space Police Sheriff, managed to break every bone in his body hunting a known criminal. His job is far from perilous, let me tell you, it just involves taking a shuttle to the moon and sitting there for ten days, monitoring space activity. Besides the random criminal who escapes to space sparking an intergalactic chase, it's quite serene but don't ask me if it's true because I've never been up there. Nope, I'm forced to stay with my assumed "best friend" Jacob Black. He's cool. I don't mind his company, especially since he told me he's half meteoroid. Really, no joke. He, apparently, crashed onto Earth during a meteor shower and that totally explains why his body's so hard. Dark hair, dark eyes and all muscle! My kind of guy, if he weren't so unearthly annoying. He always wants to show me his new shifts as if I haven't seen enough of him shifting into a twenty foot rock man...thing or crumble into sand and sit under a bunch of unassuming girls at the beach. He doesn't realize I want more than that, I yearn for something cool and exciting, something different and I don't think I'll ever get something like that as long as I'm here.

I guess if I want something different I should first turn away from this window as absolutely nothing fun is going on outside. I push my palms off of the window sill and drag my feet across the carpet of my room. I notice how slow I'm going and realize it's probably due to the fact that Charlie is making chili for dinner and I loathe it. Maybe I'll go to the reservation-where the state has mandated that all meteor humanoids live-and see Jake. As I slip my feet into my Converse and try to slip past Charlie, he catches me. I tuck my bottom lip in and scrap my teeth across it as I await his words. I think I'm a little nervous.

"Hey Bells," he says, wiping some chili from his lips. "Made chili tonight."

Did I mention my name is actually Isabella Swan? Oh, I didn't...? Well, it is, but no one calls me Isabella. Everyone just calls me Bella or in Charlie's case, Bells, and I'm what-seventeen this year? I often forget how old I am because I'm too busy thinking about other, more important things.

"I see. Well, I'm gonna see Jake..." I say to him.

"But I thought you would want to eat with me? It is your favorite, isn't Bells? I mean, I thought it was," he says with a shrug.

How wrong you are Charlie. How wrong you are indeed.

"Actually, I hate chili dad. Sorry." I shake my head slowly and push some overgrown strands out of my face and he notices.

"Due for a haircut?"

"Yeah, probably. Maybe I'll get Jake to cut it."

"Well I like your hair like that," he confesses and I suddenly feel bad for wanting to get a pixie cut and dye it black. It's part of my plan though and having all this awesome chocolately brown hair doesn't fit in the plan. I guess I should tell him one day, but not now. Now, I just need to get to the reservation and talk to...

Oh? Phone call?

I pull out my cellphone and Charlie gives me some space to breath. I answer quickly, "Hey Jake. Yep, headed there right now!"

I stay on the phone and head to the door, giving Charlie no time to call me back for conversation or food. I get in my truck and after throwing the phone onto the passenger's seat, I start it up and race-20 mph-down the street. Luckily, the reservation isn't too far and I'm there fairly quickly. When I meet Jacob at his door, he pulls me into a tight hug and his sweaty skin soaks my thin, dark green jacket. I've always wondered why he doesn't wear a shirt and so one day I just asked and he said it was because the body of meteor humanoids is like a thousand degrees hotter than humans. I don't mind it since my body is always cold for some reason, and insanely pale! It drives me crazy! Sometimes I feel like I'm not exactly human, like I might be the long lost child of some other race of pale, cold skin creatures but Jacob thinks I think too much. He says my thoughts will be the death of me since I have ridiculously long inner monologues and tend to talk to the people in my head about things I'd rather not say aloud, so because of that, I will die of suffocation being in my head. A cruel thing to say, right? Yeah, I thought so too but I forgave him quickly, after punching him in the face.

"Took you forever to get here!" he says when I trip into his house. I'm not really that big of a klutz, I promise you. It's just that his dad, Billy, used to be a part of the Intergalactic Space Police until he was put into a wheelchair after a rare encounter with an alien. So I'm never prepared for the ramp that leads into the house.

When I shake myself off and close the door I turn to him. "Yeah, Charlie wanted me to stay for chili."

"Still doesn't know you hate chili?" he asks as he tries to suppress the amusement in his voice.

"Now, he does. And apparently he wants me to keep my hair long..." I trail off as I bite my lip. I'm nervous at my own words and even Jacob can see it. He pulls me into another hug, this one brief, and then drags me to his room.

He says, "Yeah, I guess knowing the truth would be too much to handle for him." He locks the door and then pushes his bookcase in front of it before turning to me with a sigh. I nod in approval of his next actions and he does what I expect him to do. The closet door opens and he stands to the side, allowing me to get a good look at whats in it. I hold my hand up and touch one of the items hanging on the wall then recoil from it's smooth surface.

"Everything you wanted is in there. Ready to hunt some aliens?"

I gather enough strength to put my hand back up to the gun I was eyeing and when I pull it down, it's heavy in my hands. It's color is orange and silver and it's body is almost as long as my forearm. I aim it at Jake and he ducks away.

"Hey, hey!"

I chuckle and pull it away from him. "I wasn't going to shoot you."

"Well, you don't have any alien hunting skills so be careful where you aim that thing! We are gonna have to put you to the test with some fake things first."

I nod ruefully. Of course I'm sad. I've yearned for excitement and have been holding onto this secret for a while and now that I'm ready, my friend whose one year younger than me, tells me I'm not ready. Zero points for Bella.

Of course, it would be hard to find aliens since before Billy's encounter they only lived in myths and even though we now know they exist, it's still a pain to find them. Technically, we aren't authorized to hunt aliens and kill them unless they threaten us but why wait for them to attack us? I believe we should kill them before they become a threat to us, but unfortunately, I'm alone in that thought. Except I have Jacob who believes it too. When he was still floating in space, he came across a family of aliens and was so shaken up it sparked a hatred of aliens but he's never told me more about it. I'm not even sure what an alien looks like. I'm not sure if they are slimy, green and black creatures with gigantic gooey heads and heat seeking eyes or if they're just like me. I should probably ask Jake about that.

I tumble to the floor as I feel the Earth shake beneath our feet. Jacob who, remarkably, is still on his feet extends his hand to me and helps pull me up but the ground shakes again and I slip out of his grasp. I'm starting to feel dizzy...

"Jake, what is-" I try to get the words out as I scramble across the trembling floor.

From the large window, I see a bright blue light glow in the everning sky. I then hear a whistle as the light draws itself into a singular stream following something. It's now an annoying wail as whatever the light is following, moves faster and closer to us. Soon it's out of my view and all I see is the trail of pale blue light looming in the sky followed by a crash. The Earth trembles again-so hard that it finally brings Jacob to the ground as he crashes on top of me.

"Ow!"

"Sorry," he grumbles and rolls off of me. When he gets off, the ground is still and the world is silent.

"Guess you can start hunting now."

"_That_ was an alien?" I ask in a shaken voice.

He nods and lets out a breathy, "Yeah," and on his lips seems to be the faintest trace of a smile.


End file.
